What people want in marriage

284415_143931332353584_7713814_nIn a survey of over 1400 people around the USA it was found that there were five things that people wanted most from marriage. They are

  • Unconditional love
  • emotional intimacy
  • spiritual intimacy
  • encouragement
  • better friendships
  1. Unconditional love means that the person is loved no matter what mistakes he or she makes. If your husband loses his job, he will probably feel very bad about it. He needs to know that you love and respect him even though he lost the job. Respect is very important to a man.
  2. The second thing that people want is emotional intimacy. Men spell this s-e-x. Women spell in t-a-l-k and often s-e-x. Women want to be talked to and communicated with. They want their man to look them in the eyes, understand what they are saying and validate their feelings. Validating means saying “Yes, I know it hurts.” or “Yes, I know you have had a tough day with the kids.”
  3. Spiritual intimacy is a need for God. Some people seem to crave a relationship more than others do. The Bible is a book about relationships and love. If you had to sum up the Bible in two words it would probably be Love and Forgiveness. We are promised in the Bible that if we ask for forgiveness for any sin, God will forgive us. What a joy it would be if our spouse was as kind. We must remember to forgive our spouse because for every complaint we have against him, he probably has a complaint against us.
  4. Encouragement is very important. We need to praise and encourage our spouse. Remember to praise your spouse every day. “Every day?” you may ask. Yes, try it every day. You probably won’t remember to do it that often, but it will inspire you to do it more that you did in the past. It is hard to stay angry at someone who praises and encourages us.
  5. Better friendships. Are you your wife’s best friend? Is she yours? If not, work on it. Friends have fun together, laugh and cry together, celebrate, play and plan together. Remember how much fun dating was? Your marriage can be even more fun than that. Don’t get into the rut of going out to eat and not even looking at each other. Try going to a restaurant and look at the people. You will be able to know who the married couples are and who the dating couples are by the way they talk to each other. If they look excited and seem to be having fun, are making frequent eye contact, they are probably dating. Isn’t it sad that it is that way? You can change it in your marriage!

OK, now you know some very important information. Don’t just read it and forget it. If you do, you are just wasting your time at this web site. Find a way to remember these ideas and make a plan as to how you will apply them to your life. Sit down and write down your plan. Keep it in a safe place. What I do is to find a way to remember these life changing ideas from the survey. I make an acronym from the main ideas. Let’s give it a try. The five ideas are listed above. The first one is unconditional love. We can use the word “Love” to summarize the idea. Use the letter L for love. The next idea is emotional intimacy. E for that. Number three is S. Four is E and five is F. We have LESEF. Rearrange the letters into a word you can remember. FEELS is a good one because you want to focus on how your spouse feels. LEEFS (sounds like “leaf’s”) is another. Use whatever word is best for you. Tape it to your mirror so you will see it first thing in the morning to remind you of your plan to have a happier marriage. Once you write out your plan of how you will show more love to your spouse, show emotional and spiritual intimacy, encouragement and friendship you are well on your way to a happier marriage. Don’t expect everything to change overnight. It probably took years to get into the situation you are in, it may take months to get out.

I once heard a person say that he often did marriage counseling and that the people seldom did the things he asked them to do. This is a very common problem. People spend a lot of money on a professional counselor or spend a lot of time seeing their local pastor for counseling, and then don’t apply what they learned in their relationship. This is a sure way to stay stuck in a marital rut.


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