Playing “hard to get” usually doesn’t work now

English: Downtown Long Beach, California at ni...
Long Beach, Ca

Some people “play hard to get” when another person is romantically interested in them. I have seen this ruin more relationships than anything else in the world. Men and women both do this. Nowadays it is considered completely inappropriate as I will discuss later in this post.  Please leave a comment on this controversial issue.

When I lived in Long Beach, California a young man and his girlfriend met in a cozy little café by the ocean. They had been dating for some time, but the girl decided it was time to play hard to get. She insisted that she was breaking up with him, when actually she wanted to marry him. After a long, heated discussion, he went out to his car, took a gun out of the glove box and shot himself dead. She was interviewed while she was crying hysterically on the sidewalk near the car. All she could say was “I loved him so much.”

I was rather close to a family who had a teenage son. His girlfriend broke up with him, apparently playing hard to get, and invited another guy to a party she knew her ex-boyfriend was going to. She flirted all evening with the new boy toy, making sure the boy she loved saw it, just to peak his interest in her and to make her more attractive to him. He went home and killed himself. Of course his family was devastated, apparently the girlfriend was too.

Most people don’t kill themselves when the person they like or love plays hard to get. But most feel terribly sad about it. The more a man/woman respects and admires another person, the more likely he/she is to quit dating when other plays hard to get. This is because if he thinks she is totally wonderful, he feels he doesn’t really have a chance for her anyway.

If a person does stick with a partner through this torture, it means he/she is very confident or knows all about mind games, or she doesn’t really think the partner is all that special anyway and keeps trying because it is not all that painful to do so.

Honesty is a very important aspect of good relationships. People who enjoy inflicting pain on their partner for their own gain will probably also be the type to punish their spouse severely for anything he/she considers less than proper treatment.

Many large companies tell their employees every year that they can only ask a coworker out twice, any more than that is considered completely inappropriate and can be considered sexual harassment.  After this training, many people don’t ask a person out more than twice, even if he doesn’t work at the same company, so if one is playing hard to get, the relationship ends dead in its tracks.

Most men I know respect a woman for asking him out before he asks her out. Ladies, you have been set free, you can choose the man you want, in the old days it wasn’t this way. When a woman chooses to take the subservient role and plays hard to get it is very confusing to men and I notice most men bail out these days because they expect equality.

Leave a comment, feel free to disagree with this post!


  1. I hate dishonesty and this mind game thing is just that. When you truly care about someone, you must make yourself vulnerable and open. Couples who get into such drama rarely last. It’s too much work. Relationships needs to be reciprocal. If a man or woman is first a friend, and the relationship grows enough to explore common values and desires, then the relationship has a good chance to succeed. Games are for children — not grownups who are wanting a lasting, healthy relationship.

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