Surveys show there are at least seven important things that people want in relationships.
- to be heard
- to be physically safe
- to be affirmed
- to be praised
- to be touched (depends on which kind of relationship)
- to be passionately desired
- to be included in your life
1. Your friend/child/spouse/employee wants to be heard. In some of the lessons which were used to train supervisors in a fortune 50 company they explained the importance of listening. One of their key ideas was to listen to people. Chances are, what they are saying is important. Remember to listen to your significant other and make sure she/he knows she is being heard. Not a good idea stare at the TV or computer while she is talking. She may be telling you things that are the most important things to her in her entire life. Most men don’t understand how important the ideas are that a wife expresses. If she says she is feeling overwhelmed, don’t just say OK and then go on with your work. Understand that there is trouble and it may be really big trouble. Also, your wife probably looks to you as the leader in the family in some ways, whether or not she admits it. Think about how you feel if your boss at work does not listen to you. Furthermore, how do you feel when your boss is harsh to you? Your wife probably feels the same way when you don’t listen to her or you are harsh to her. Listen to her, remember what she says, and realize it is important. Act on what she says. Women, your husband needs you to do the same.
Your wife or husband may have grown up in a family in which her/his emotions and feelings were not valued. There may have been a lot of loneliness in her life even though she was surrounded by sisters, brothers, mother and father. She needs to talk about how she feels. Never say that her feelings are not important. Don’t react to her in such a way that she feels you consider her feelings unimportant. This can cause enormous emotional distress, even mental illness in people if their emotions are not validated. Husbands, learn to talk about how you feel, your wife needs to hear it.