Puns and other humour/humor


The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds
The glasses maker who fell into his lens grinding machine made a spectacle of himself
A backwards poet writes inverse
A will is a dead giveaway
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired
The worst place to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. …Especially if the people you are playing with, are really bad guessers.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but the bulb has to really want to change.
How do you make a group of lawyers smile for a photo? Just say Fees
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito? The lawyer has a briefcase.
Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a pack of cards! Sit down and I’ll deal with you later.
Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a bridge! What’s come over you?
Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Pull yourself together!
Why did Santa’s little helper feel depressed? He had low elf esteem
Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife get to sleep? Because of his coffin
What was the witches’ favorite subject in school? Spelling
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? He didn’t have the guts
Why is the book Women Who Love Too Much a disappointment for many men?No phone numbers
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it. The thief was spending less than his wife did
Did you hear about the dyslexic lawyer? He studied all year for the bra exam
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny
What did Mr. Spock find in the toilet? The captain’s log
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa
Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic? He stayed awake all night wondering if there really is a dog
A brand new communist solder fought bravely but was beaten up by another soldier. He may have been a green red who was black and blue but he wasn’t yellow.
Leave a reply and leave a pun if you can, pleeeease

18 comments

  1. The decision is first a legal one. If Mexican law bars ainels carrying and/or using guns without Mexican permission, then we do not do it. If we find that unacceptable, we exit. If we persist in our way’ and Mexicans get hurt, the Mexican government may be required to arrest, try, and punish our agents as criminals. The terms of our co-operation should be agreed before we step in. It does not matter how certain we are that we know and have the right way to do it. Our neighbors all over the world are nervous about our attitudes toward violent actions in their countries. Presently, they see the case of a US contractor killing two Pakistanis under uncertain circumstances. Are you ready to allow Mexican operatives to roam this country in search of their perps and to forgive any mistakes when US citizens get hurt?

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