Archives For July 2012

click to watch the video amazing power

Rodney Dangerfield jokes
Happy no matter what
Classroom humor
Layover humor
The keys to success


Get the power….

Brad Stanton —  July 26, 2012 — 20 Comments

Everyone who has learned the power of confidence will tell you that if you really change the way you think and obtain a completely optimistic outlook, it will give you power you never knew was possible. Does that seem hard to believe? Read about people who accomplished great things like Henry Ford, Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Sam Walton (the founder of Walmart), W. Clement Stone (became fabulously wealthy by selling insurance) and many others, and you will see that they accomplished great things because they had something about them that seemed like powerful magic. They had confidence.

Portrait of Henry Ford (ca. 1919)

Portrait of Henry Ford (ca. 1919) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

W. Clement Stone went from extreme poverty as a child, to incredible wealth. He is famous for saying “Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” He began selling insurance at a very young age and because of his incredible confidence, he quickly became rich. He decided he could make even more money by hiring people to help him sell insurance. As time went by, he found he could size a person up after talking to them for only a few minutes and determine if they would be successful at selling. He knew confidence was key.

Henry Ford accomplished things that most people said were impossible. Before the United States entered World War 2, the US government knew they must start preparing for war. They gave Henry Ford the task of designing a plant to build airplanes– heavy bombers. Many people looked around the world and said that at most we could build one bomber a day because each bomber was made of about one and a quarter million parts. Henry Ford designed a plant that could build one bomber every 55 minutes! Hitler didn’t think it was possible. This prodigious output of airplanes helped the allies win the war.

Sam Walton said “It is amazing what people can accomplish if they believe in themselves.”
William James, the Father of American Psychology said “The most important thing that determines success is whether or not you believe you can do it.”

Confidence, belief, power of positive thinking…. Jesus called it faith. He said if you have a little faith you can tell a mountain to move and it will.–Nothing will be impossible for you. Matthew 17:20 “Mountain” may have meant “problem,” just like we use it today in the phrase “don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.” amazing power

Rodney Dangerfield jokes…

With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast to her in a fancy joint on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my dad tripped me! 

Last week I told my psychiatrist, “I keep thinking about suicide.” He told me from now on I would have to pay in advance.  

I tell you when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo…. it never did come back!

When I was a kid I got no respect.  I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, “Give us five thousand dollars or you’ll see your kid again.”

I am telling ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek – she bent over!

I tell you, with my doctor, I don’t get no respect. I told him, “I’ve swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.” He told me to go have a few drinks and get some rest.

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room in the house.

With my dog I don’t get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don’t want to go out. He wants me to leave.  

I saw my psychiatrist and told him, “Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a dog.” He told me to get off his couch.

I worked in a pet store and the customers kept asking how big I’d get.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I’ll play it cool and let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, “Wait til it gets warmer.”

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab.

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, “I’m very sorry. We did everything we could…but he pulled through.”

I come from a slow family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west!

My father was not too bright. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.

My mother had morning sickness… after I was born.

My father carries around the picture of the kid that came with his wallet.

When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

One year they wanted to make me poster boy… for birth control.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

What a wonderful quote from Shakespeare

(I have added the words in red to explain the meaning)

The "gravedigger scene" The Gravedig...

Let me see. (takes the skull) Alas, poor Yorick! Hamlet sits in a cemtary and looks at Yorick’s skull.

I knew him, Horatio, a fellow of infinite jest fun, of most excellent fancy wonderful imagination.

He hath borne carried me on his back a thousand times, and now,

how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. How sad and terrible it is to think about him being gone.

Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft.

—Where be your gibes teasing now? Your gambols dance, play, frolic ? Your songs?

Your flashes of merriment

that were wont to set the table on a roar? That made everyone at the table roar with laughter?

Not one now to mock your own grinning? No one now to laugh at your jokes?

Quite chapfallen? Do you feel sad about that?

Now get you to my lady’s chamber and tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favor

she must come. No matter how much makeup she puts on, her face will end up like yours—gone. Make her laugh at that.—Prithee, pray thee (I ask you) Horatio, tell me one thing…”

from Hamlet   (Act 5, Scene 1)

This is such a wonderful quote from Shakespeare. Hamlet remembers what a fun and wonderful person Yorick was, and a fine friend. In fact he called him a man of infinite fun who had an incredible imagination to think up fun things to do and funny jokes. He was so good at it that he worked for the king as a jester.

“But where are your banters, teasings, your dancing, your songs, your flashes of merriment that made everybody at the table roar with laughter?” I think of a table full of people out in the forest surrounded by lush green trees with a bonfire nearby, children playing close to the table. What a wonderful time that must have been.

I had a friend like Yorick once. He was the kind of guy who could walk into a room and liven it up, make everyone laugh and have fun. What a joy to have a friend like that! Like the song says, those were the days, my friend, we thought they’d never end…

But my friend got married and I moved away and so we parted. I’ve never had a friend quite like him. He was always fun to be around, always there when I needed him. Have you had many friends like that? Leave a comment and tell us about some of your special friends.

Airport Humor

Brad Stanton —  July 20, 2012 — 28 Comments

A man had a layover on his flight to Los Angeles, so he stopped by a snack shop in the

English: A chocolate chip cookie. This is from...

airport and bought a package of 10 small cookies and a newspaper. He sat down at a table and began reading the newspaper. After a few minutes he heard the rustling of cellophane, the kind his cookies were wrapped in so he peered over his paper and was shocked to see an elderly lady taking a cookie out of the cellophane and then taking a bite.

He frowned at her but she didn’t notice. He reached out and took a cookie, still frowning at her. She looked up, noticed his frown and kept chewing the cookie.

After a few moments, while reading again, he heard the same noise. He looked and the lady was taking another cookie without asking, without even looking at him! He reached forward and took two cookies with an even fiercer frown. She paused for a moment, looking at him, then went back to eating.

He ate both cookies and went back to reading until he heard the cellophane again. She took two this time and even frowned at him! He grabbed the rest of the cookies and stood up to leave, opening his briefcase as he walked so that he could put the remaining cookies in it. To his chagrin, he saw the unopened bag of cookies he had purchased and absent mindedly inserted in the briefcase.

He quickly wheeled around and gave the lady back the remaining cookies, apologizing profusely.