Archives For June 2012

Funeral Humor

Brad Stanton —  June 29, 2012 — 28 Comments

Two brothers who lived in a city were so mean, hateful, cruel and nasty that after one brother died, the other brother had a hard time finding a preacher willing to do the funeral. Finally he came up with the idea of donating to the preacher’s church before asking him to do it.

He gave a five thousand dollar check to a preacher and asked him to do the funeral. The preacher reluctantly agreed. “But you will have to agree to say my brother was a saint” the man said to the preacher. Again, the preacher agreed, but even more reluctantly.

The day of the funeral the surviving brother went to the graveside and listened intently as the preacher spoke. He was aghast when the preacher began saying a list of true, but very uncomplimentary things about the deceased.  “This man was a scoundrel, a philanderer, he cheated on his wife, stole from his parents and harassed many people in this town. But compared to his brother, he was a saint!”

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Do affirmations work?

Brad Stanton —  June 28, 2012 — 25 Comments

“Four things for success... work and pray... t...

“Four things for success… work and pray… think and believe” ~ (Photo credit: turtlemom4bacon)

There are probably hundreds of books out there dealing with the power of affirmations. An affirmation is a statement such as “I am losing weight” that brings about change in a person’s life.

But do affirmations work? They have for me! I have used a number of different affirmations during the past year and they have helped me tremendously. Usually I wake up tired and in a bad mood in the morning. I find a good way to improve my mood is to say affirmations. I’ve heard it said many times that we can choose the mood we want to have when we get out of bed in the morning. For a long time I didn’t quite believe it. But after using affirmations, along with thinking of things I am grateful for, I find my day starts much better and it has made me a happier person. Affirmations are one of the things that turned me from a chronic pessimist into a much more cheerful optimist. There have been other things that helped, I write about them in other posts, it is way too much to include here.

I first heard about affirmations over 30 years ago. A psychologist found that if his patients said “Every day, in every way I’m getting better and better” that they improved more quickly than those that didn’t use affirmations. Dr. Norman Vincent Peale starts his book “The Power of Positive Thinking” by telling what happened to him one evening before he gave a lecture. A man came up to him saying that he was terrible stressed out and fearful. He had a big business deal coming up the next day, and he was afraid if he didn’t get the deal, his entire business would fail and that his life would be a failure along with it. Dr. Peale wrote an affirmation on the back of his business card and gave it to the man. “Say this ten times out loud every day and it will give you strength,’ he said. Peale also gave the man a short pep talk.

The man left, repeating the affirmation and began to feel much better. Later he met Dr. Peale again and told him that evening had changed his life for the better. He was no longer worried and stressed out, always expecting the worst. Good things began flowing to him instead of away from him and his business was much more successful. What was the affirmation? It was Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”
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If you looked at this ebook on before today, you saw it had a technical problem with the formatting. This has now been corrected.

click here or on the photo above and it takes you to the ebook for sale on Amazon.
This eBook explains how to have powerful prayers that really do get answered. Jesus said faith is one of the main keys to answered prayer and this book explains how to develop strong, unwavering faith which will not only make your prayers powerful, but will add joy and optimism to your life. Don’t settle for a mediocre life, God wants you to have a fulfilling and victorious life. Whether you are praying for success in a relationship, career, overcoming an addiction or anything else, this book will help. I spent many hours researching ideas for this book, and those ideas have made my life much happier, I hope they help you too.
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Love Diverts Disaster

Brad Stanton —  June 24, 2012 — 16 Comments

Mrs. Thompson had seen Teddy in the halls for several years before he became a fifth grader. She was not looking forward to having him in her class. She had a rather large class and dozens of papers to grade every day. The last thing she needed was another under achiever who needed extra help and rewarded her diligence with bad behavior. He didn’t try very hard and often showed up to class looking messy, hair uncombed and clothes not clean

But the school year began and she tried to make the best of it and give Teddy a fair chance before judging him too harshly.

Then came Christmas. All the students got Mrs. Thompson gifts wrapped in colorful wrapping paper with beautiful bows and ribbons. But when it came time for Teddy to give Mrs. Thompson her gift he carried forward a small package wrapped in paper from a brown paper grocery bag. She opened it and inside were a bracelet with some of the rhinestones missing and a bottle of cheap perfume than was more than half empty. Some of the children began to snicker and laugh. But she was smart enough to act delighted and put on some of the perfume.

Later Teddy came up and stood near her and said very quietly, Mrs. Thompson, you look just as beautiful as my mother when you wear that bracelet. And you smell just like her when you wear that perfume. He looked at her with admiration in his eyes.

She began thinking about Teddy after class that day. She realized that he had always been kind to her, even when some of the other students had not. She decided to look at his files and see what his previous teachers had written about him.

1st grade: Teddy shows promise but has very poor home situation

2nd grade: Teddy could do better but mother is seriously ill.

3rd grade: Teddy is a good boy but distracted, his mother died this year.

4th grade: Teddy shows no interest in school work and is not doing well. He has become very quiet and withdrawn, his father seems to show no interest in him.

Mrs. Thompson wiped away tears from her eyes. The next morning the students had a new teacher. She took off her eyes of judgment and put on eyes of love. She understood why Teddy was so distracted and apathetic.

Mrs. Thompson decided to make Teddy her special project. She gave him extra time and tutoring and found he was grateful for it, whereas when she had done this with other students they resented the extra work they were asked to do.

He finished elementary school and she didn’t see him again for a long time. But she got a letter from him telling her that he had graduated from high school second in his class. Later she got another letter saying that he had graduated from college first in his class. Then some years later she got another letter from Teddy saying he had graduated from medical school and was now a doctor. Not only that, he was getting married and wondered if she would be willing to sit where his mother would have sat in the wedding.

As she finished reading the letter she realized that the extra love and attention she had showed Teddy steered him away from a life of failure. She had quit judging him and realized that he had potential, but no one else was willing to help him.
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English: Portrait of a girl from Portugal

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Four people were in an airplane which was going to crash so they all had to parachute out. The problem was that there were only three parachutes so they began discussing who would get the chutes. The first man said that he ran an orphanage and that dozens of children depended on him for survival, so he took a chute and jumped out.

The second man said “I have a PhD in Nuclear Physics, Biology and Law and since I am the smartest man in the world, the world needs me,” so he jumped out.

An old retired farmer and a school girl were the two left. The old man said “You take the chute. I have lived a long and full life and I am looking forward to going to heaven.”

The school girl replied, “No need, there are still two parachutes left. The smartest man in the world just jumped out with my book bag.”

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Rodney Dangerfield jokes 
Happy no matter what 
Classroom humor 
Layover humor 
The keys to success 
Motivational quotes 
Why aren’t you dead yet? 
Are you responsible 4your success 
Failure brings success 
Confidence gives you power 
Get the power…