Archives For love

Do you wake up feeling sad?

Brad Stanton —  December 29, 2014 — 3 Comments

IMG_2113Toxic Shame

Do you wake up in the morning feeling bad, feeling blue or feeling worn out? It could be sleep Apnea, but it could also be toxic shame. When you wake up feeling sad and your mind goes over failures and hurts of the past, that is toxic shame.

5 signs that you have toxic shame.

1. You see your failures as proof that you are a failure.

2. You forget what it means to be human.
You forget that everyone fails every day. That is just proof that they are human.

When we do something bad, we feel shame. But unfortunately most people are very good at feeling ashamed of themselves, many without even realizing it. The main point of the Christian faith is love. Another important point is forgiveness. Many don’t forgive themselves and live a life of quiet desperation. Many feel ashamed of who they are instead of what they have done.

The Bible promises us that we will be forgiven if we confess our sins. After we confess, we should not be ashamed any more. But many people don’t accept the forgiveness that Jesus died on the cross to give us.
Your mess is temporary. God is doing something wonderful in your life. Psalm 23 says “He restores my soul.” The soul is your mind, emotion and willpower. He will restore your emotions, making the sadness become joy.
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3. You blame yourself for the bad things that happen.
Some say, “Oh, if I had been a better child, mom and dad might still be married.” Or, “If I had been a better person, that person would not have molested me.” Bad things happen to good people. Don’t blame yourself for everything that goes wrong in your life. Life is not fair, but God is fair. God will right your wrongs and work everything together for good if you love him. Romans 8:28.
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4. You feel hopeless or depressed.
Many people see God as a tyrant who wants to punish us whenever we do wrong. But God loves us very much. He is not mad at you, he is madly in love with you. He is interested in every detail of your life. If you are interested in it, God is interested also. He is not out there waiting to punish you, he is there loving and adoring you. He loves you more than you can understand. Philippians 4:4 “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again:Rejoice!” If God commands you to rejoice, it means he gives you the strength to do it. 
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5. You have addictions. 
If you have toxic shame you will have addictions. It might be addictions to food, shopping, sex, approval addictions, alcohol, drugs, etc. Toxic shame comes from a lack of love. All addictions come from a lack of love. All addiction is an escape from the bottomless pit of your worthlessness. To heal your addiction, heal your toxic shame. How do you do it? Start by looking to Jesus and accept his love and forgiveness. Some addictions require a lot of help. For example Alcoholics Anonymous can help you be healed of an addiction to alcohol. If you want to get rid of addictions, read books about it, find help. Turn it over to God. He will help you. It may be very difficult to get rid of an addiction, but it is worth it.
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Lack of love is the root of toxic shame and addictions.
Remember that God loves you and that is all that you need. The love of family and friends is very important also. But is it critically important to love yourself. Brian Tracy, a success coach, says that most people need to say “I like myself” once in awhile.
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I wrote this while listening to a sermon by Bo Sanchez. It is a short synopsis of his sermon. Listen to it here on Youtube. 

More keys to success

Brad Stanton —  October 25, 2014 — 2 Comments

morningLearning success

All my life I have enjoyed reading books about people that accomplished great things in life. When I was young, it was Davy Crockett, the great hunter and frontiersman of US history. I enjoyed reading about John Paul Jones, the navy captain that helped us get freedom from England. Then I went on to many dozens of books by people who had built large charities, businesses and ministries. I was always excited to learn how they did it.

Success in relationships is one area that almost everyone has interest in, because we all have relationships. Dr. Hew Lin, a psychiatrist who healed a ward of mentally ill criminals is one of my favorites because he explains how certain keys to success are good for relationships and everything else in life.

Love is a key to success

Dr. Lin summed up most of the advice I had read from many different authors in just a few sentences.

He said the most important thing is to restore ourselves back to love. I liked that because I know that love is the most powerful force in the universe and it does amazing things. He said one way to do it is to forgive all who have wronged us. He has a system of four short sentences that help us achieve this. Say four things:
I love you
I’m sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you

You don’t even have to say these sentences to the people you are thinking about. Just think them or say them out loud when no one is around. He says he healed many people this way as a psychiatrist. If your husband is mean and unfair, just repeat these four sentences over and over again for a couple of weeks and you will see a big difference.

How does it work?

I know it seems a little hard to believe that saying the four sentences will help. But if you have read many of my other posts, it explains why this works. Psychologists tell us that 80% of communication is nonverbal. That means that tone of voice, expressions and other things convey how we feel toward other people. They pick up on these cues in their subconscious mind.

It is more than just this, though. Jesus said love flows out of us if we believe in him. If we could open our spiritual eyes and see what is happening in the real world, we would see how powerful love is. When you send love to other people, it has a healing effect.

We are responsible for our lives

Dr. Lin also said we must acknowledge 100% responsibility for our lives. We can’t blame anything on anyone else. If our parents were brutal and psycho and it left us scared emotionally, we can’t blame them for our problems today. Every person in the world has experienced unfair situations. Some come out of it stronger, some allow it to destroy their happiness.

I have heard many successful people say that it is critically important to acknowledge 100% responsibility for everything in life. Most people don’t believe that is true and that is why they can’t build the life they want. This post is not for the unbelievers, only for those who believe they can have a better life. If you don’t believe it, you are right, it won’t help. Henry Ford said “Whether you think you can, or think you can’t, either way you are right.” He means if we believe we can do something, we can. If we believe we can’t do something, we are right, because the lack of faith will cause failure. Who tries to do something they don’t believe they can do?

Our thoughts are key

Dr. Lin said that we must see our own thoughts create our life, not the people, places and circumstances but how we react to them that control our lives. This idea is very common among people who have overcome incredible difficulties to achieve success.

Dr. Lin holds workshops to teach people ideas for success. It is amazing to hear the testimonies of people who attended and found ways to restore relationships, solve problems and achieve success in any area of life.

To be successful, study successful people

I read books by Brian Tracy. He flunked out of school and took low paying laboring jobs for years until he found a sales job. He didn’t sell very well until he decided to ask the top salesman how he achieved success. Once he learned the keys to success he became incredibly successful in selling and went on to write many books that sell well. He starts businesses and is a multi-millionaire. The key was that he went to the successful people to learn how to do it. So many people listen to failures and end up with negative attitudes in life. They learn from failures and become failures.


Og-Mandino-Quotes-1Og Mandino wrote The Greatest Salesman In the World in 1968. It was incredibly successful and continued to sell about a million copies a year for 30 years. It is still selling well today. The reason it is such a powerful book is that Og knows how to be successful and teach you how to be successful in anything you do. But more importantly, he teaches how to have a happier life and good attitudes that bring about success.

In the book there are ten “scrolls” or short lessons about how to be successful. All ten are listed here. (click to read them) I have already written about Scroll One in my own words. Here is scroll 2 from Og’s book:

The Scroll Marked 2

I will greet this day with love in my heart

For this is the greatest secret of success in all ventures. Muscle can split a shield and
even destroy life but only the unseen power of love can open the hearts of men and
until I master this art I will remain no more than a peddler in the market place. I will
make love my greatest weapon and none on whom I call can defend against its force.

My reasoning they may counter; my speech they may distrust; my apparel they may
disapprove; my face they may reject; and even my bargains may cause them
suspicion; yet my love will melt all hearts liken to the sun whose rays soften the
coldest clay.

I will greet this day with love in my heart.

And how will I do this? Henceforth will I look on all things with love and I will be
born again. I will love the sun for it warms my bones; yet I will love the rain for it
cleanses my spirit. I will love the light for it shows me the way; yet I will love the
darkness for it shows me the stars. I will welcome happiness for it enlarges my heart;
yet I will endure sadness for it opens my soul. I will acknowledge rewards for they
are my due; yet I will welcome obstacles for they are my challenge.

I will greet this day with love in my heart.

And how will I speak? I will laud mine enemies and they will become friends; I will
encourage my friends and they will become brothers. Always will I dig for reasons to
applaud; never will I scratch for excuses to gossip. When I am tempted to criticize I
will bite my tongue; when I am moved to praise I will shout from the roofs.

Is it not so that birds, the wind, the sea and all nature speaks with the music of praise
for their creator? Cannot I speak with the same music to his children? Henceforth
will I remember this secret and it will change my life.

I will greet this day with love in my heart.

And how will I act? I will love all manners of men for each has qualities to be
admired even though they be hidden. With love I will tear down the wall of suspicion
and hate which they have built round their hearts and in its place will I build bridges
so that my love may enter their souls.

I will love the ambitious for they can inspire me; I will love the failures for they can
teach me. I will love the kings for they are but human; I will love the meek for they
are divine. I will love the rich for they are yet lonely; I will love the poor for they are
so many. I will love the young for the faith they hold; I will love the old for the
wisdom they share. I will love the beautiful for their eyes of sadness; I will love the
ugly for their souls of peace.

I will greet this day with love in my heart.

But how will I react to the actions of others? With love. For just as love is my
weapon to open the hearts of men, love is also my shield to repulse the arrows of hate
and the spears of anger. Adversity and discouragement will beat against my new
shield and become as the softest of rains. My shield will protect me in the market
place and sustain me when I am alone. It will uplift me in moments of despair yet it
will calm me in time of exultation. It will become stronger and more protective with
use until one day I will cast aside and walk unencumbered among all manners of men
and, when I do, my name will be raised high on the pyramid of life.

I will greet this day with love in my heart.

And how will I confront each whom I meet? In only one way. In silence and to
myself I will address him and say I Love You. Though spoken in silence these words
will shine in my eyes, unwrinkle my brow, bring a smile to my lips, and echo in my
voice; and his heart will be opened. And who is there who will say nay to my goods
when his hearts feels my love?

I will greet this day with love in my heart.

And most of all I will love myself. For when I do I will zealously inspect all things
which enter my body, my mind, my soul, and my heart. Never will I overindulge the
requests of my flesh; rather I will cherish my body with cleanliness and moderation.
Never will I allow my mind to be attracted to evil and despair, rather I will uplift it
with the knowledge and wisdom of the ages. Never will I allow my soul to become
complacent and satisfied, rather I will feed it with meditation and prayer.

Never will I allow my heart to become small and bitter, rather I will share it and it will grow and
warm the earth.

I will greet this day with love in my heart. Henceforth will I love all mankind. From
this moment all hate is let from my veins for I have not time to hate, only time to
love. From this moment I take the first step required to become a man among men.
With love I will increase my sales a hundred-fold and become a great salesman. If I
have no other qualities I can succeed with love alone. Without it I will fail though I
possess all the knowledge and skills of the world.

I will greet this day with love, and I will succeed.


35224_european_bistroWhen I was about five years old I had my first encounter with the Holy Spirit, the spirit of God. I felt the incredible love of God as I walked through a forest with my Sunday school class. The teacher had talked to us about how much God loves us, and how we can see him in the things that he made, the trees and brooks, the wind and the leaves.

Today I was thinking about the incredible beauty of the love of God. Anyone who has felt it will always want it. Then I heard a sermon about it.

The sermon I heard tonight went something like this:

You might be in a low point in your life. You might be in the pit of despair. You might be feeling very depressed right now, or maybe you are doing fine, maybe you are going through a happy time in your life. But no matter what, God’s love is washing over you, taking care of you much more than you know.

Thousands of years ago, in fact even before anything existed, God already thought of you and decided to choose you and love you. God has been waiting your entire life for this moment, where he could get you to sit still for one minute and say this to you:

“You have no idea how much I love you. I have always loved you. There was never a moment of your existence when I didn’t love you. I planned that fertilization of the two cells that came together to make you. I planned your conception. I allowed that conception. I wanted you alive so I could love you because you are special to me. There is no one else like you, you are completely new and unique to me. I heard your first cry, there was no moment of your life that I didn’t love you. Through all your celebrations and difficulties, your sadness and happiness I loved and adored you even more than you loved yourself. I wanted good things for you even more than you did. Whether you realize it or not I have been gazing upon you in love because I made you to love you.”

How would your life change if you knew how much God loved you? Think about how it would feel if you got up in the morning and the first thing you felt was that you are deeply and unconditionally loved by God. What if you felt the love of God as you got out of bed to brush your teeth? And in the car on way to work or school you felt the love of God. What would it be like if you felt God’s love unconditionally, knowing that no matter what you do or don’t do, you know that God loves you? No matter what you do or don’t do, God will still love you the same amount.

Your first and most important calling in life is to let God love you. What happens if you accept this call?

You feel accepted rather than ashamed or condemned. You feel totally accepted, and that will change your life. Many avoid God because they feel ashamed or guilty. Maybe you feel guilty, criticized. God is perfect and I’m not. Why would I hang out with a perfect God to remind me of all the ways I’ve failed?

But God did not come to condemn the world but to save it. If you feel God is down on you, guess what? You are totally wrong. God is not down on you at all, he is totally for you, totally cheering you on, bragging to the angels and even the devil about you. He certainly did that about Job in the Old Testament.

You have spent your entire life in order to get peoples approval and love of other people. You dress the way you do to get approval. You wear your hair the way you do to get approval. You talk and act the way you do to get love and approval. You have been trying to get approval from some unpleasable people your entire life and you are not going to get it. Realize you don’t need the approval of other people. Most of your life you have been worried about what other people think because you don’t feel unconditionally loved by God. When you realize how much God loves you, criticism doesn’t bother you. You will no longer need other people’s approval to be happy. This idea will set you free.

The man who spoke these words is Rick Warren, the author of The Purpose Driven Life.

Your daddy’s rich

Brad Stanton —  March 17, 2014 — Leave a comment

w clement stoneIf you are a Christian, you have a father in heaven who is rich beyond your ability to imagine. If you believe he is a good God, he will be good to you, but if you believe he is a harsh God, or you don’t believe in him at all, he will be very harsh to you. I’ll explain this more at the end of this post.

So you have a father who is rich and powerful. If you believe he will help you in every aspect of your life, he will. He is not a stingy God. He loves you much more than you love yourself and wants good for you even more than you do.

Those who believe that Jesus loves them and believe in paradise as a reward for believing in Jesus will receive paradise. Those who don’t believe will not receive paradise. It is as if our thoughts bring about our own reality. If it is true in our mind, we get it, if it is not true (we don’t believe it) we don’t get the reward.

Henry Ford said “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, either way you are right.” This means if you have faith and really believe you can do something, you can do it. If you don’t have faith that you can do it, you probably won’t even try, or if you do try you’ll give it half-hearted attempts.

You have probably played video games in which you have a certain level of strength but every time you get hit or shot you lose a little strength. Well, in a way, your mind is that way. Every time you complain, you lose a little strength. Every time you think about things you don’t like, you lose a little more strength.

Love is the most powerful force in the universes. Love and well-being flow to you from God and drench you every minute of every day and night. You can open your heart to accept in that love or you can keep your heart closed and let the love and well-being flow over it, not soaking up any of it.

If you can believe that God is love, as the Bible says, and if you believe that love is good, then it is fairly easy to believe that thinking about things you love or like will make you stronger. Thinking about things you don’t like causes negative emotions and drains your physical and emotional strength.

You don’t have to worry about anything. Your father in heaven is tougher than your toughest enemies and stronger than the hardest obstacles you will ever face in life. God is doting on you, watching over you and he loves to take care of you. It takes faith to accept all this good from God.

In the parable of the talents in Matthew 25, the servant who thought the master was harsh didn’t earn any money on the seed money he was given and the master was harsh with him. The servants who believed the master was good doubled their money.

Do bad things happen to you? They might seem bad, but actually they are good because they are making you stronger and bringing about other changes that will help you. Romans 8:28 says everything works together for good to those who love God.