Archives For joke

Funeral humor

Brad Stanton —  February 2, 2015 — 2 Comments

This was one of the most popular posts of 2014 and all time…

Two brothers who lived in a city were so mean, hateful, cruel and nasty that after one brother died, the other brother had a hard time finding a preacher willing to do the funeral. Finally he came up with the idea of donating to the preacher’s church before asking him to do it.

He gave a five thousand dollar check to a preacher and asked him to do the funeral. The preacher reluctantly agreed. “But you will have to agree to say my brother was a saint” the man said to the preacher. Again, the preacher agreed, but (continue reading)


English: Profile of a parrot Ara Chloropterus ...

A thief broke into a beautiful ivy covered house in the countryside and was looking around for things to steal when he heard a voice say “Jesus is watching you!”

The surprised thief froze in his tracks and looked around, shining the flashlight until he saw a parrot looking at him from inside a cage.

“Did you say that to me?” he asked the parrot.

“Yes, I said Jesus is watching you.” the parrot repeated.

“What is your name?” asked the thief.

“My name is Moses” said the parrot. “I’m warning you, Jesus is watching you.”

“I don’t believe in Jesus. And besides that, you have a stupid name, what kind of idiot would name their parrot Moses?”

The parrot replied, “The same kind of person who would name their 150 pound, bloodthirsty guard dog Jesus.”

help street kids http://www.travel4j.com/donate.html

A really bad day–humor

Brad Stanton —  February 26, 2013 — 5 Comments

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Truck Drivers only!

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”

“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”

Picture on the side of a truck, not really a man on a hammock.

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It is said that some of the top leaders of England were at a party with Oliver Cromwell, trying their best to make friends with him in order to win favors. One man apparently had a habit of talking before thinking and saw a homely young lady enter the party with a man.

“Who is that unsightly creature with Lord Smith?” the man asked Cromwell.

Cromwell winced and said “That sir, is my daughter.”

Trying hastily to overcome his mistake the man said “No, no I mean that shocking monster on the other side of him.”

“That, sir, is my wife.”

I don’t know if that story is true or just a joke, but the following is true and I thought it was very interesting because it is the account of a man who rose from obscurity to a very high position.

Oliver Cromwell (1599 – 1658) was an English military and political leader and later Lord Protector of the Commonwealth of England, Scotland and Ireland. Born into the middle gentry, he was relatively obscure for the first 40 years of his life. After undergoing a religious conversion in the 1630s, Cromwell became an intensely religious man and he fervently believed that God was guiding his victories.

He was elected Member of Parliament and later entered the English Civil War. Nicknamed “Old Ironsides”, he was quickly promoted from leading a single cavalry troop to become one of the principal commanders of the New Model Army. (From Wikipedia)

He later became head of state of England, Scotland and Ireland and changed the course of history. It just goes to show you that your luck can change at any time, and you may be propelled into a wonderful life.

Dog jokes

Brad Stanton —  January 30, 2013 — 4 Comments

A dog with no name

A man was passing through a small town and decided to stop for a soft drink. He parked and got out of his car. In front of the store was a boy, about 8 or 10 years old and a dog. The man was impressed by the dog and asked

“Son, does your dog bite?”

“No, my dog doesn’t bite, mister.” the boy said.

The man reached down to pet the dog and suddenly the dog lunged and bit his hand.

“I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite!” the man cried out.

“That’s not my dog” the boy answered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was summertime and a man walked past several boys with a dog. “What are you boys doing?” he asked.

“We are competing to see who wins this dog as a prize. Whoever tells the biggest lie gets to keep the dog.” One of the boys said.

The man was shocked at the morals of these young boys, competing to see who could tell the biggest lie. He decided he would do his good deed for the day and encourage them to find a more honest way to compete for the dog.

“Boys, it’s not a good idea to tell lies. Why, when I was a boy I became a Christian at an early age and I didn’t tell lies after that. In fact, I was so blessed by the Lord that I became a preacher.” He talked and talked, going on and on about how bad it is to lie and how he didn’t do that kind of thing. Eventually he paused to see if he had any effect on the boys. They were staring at him with strange expressions on their faces.

“OK, give him the dog. None of us can tell that big of a lie!” one of the boys said.

cute dog on table