Archives For joke

A really bad day–humor

Brad Stanton —  February 26, 2013 — 4 Comments

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Truck Drivers only!

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”

“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”

Picture on the side of a truck, not really a man on a hammock.

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The shocking monster–humor

Brad Stanton —  February 8, 2013 — 2 Comments

Oliver Cromwell, by Samuel Cooper (died 1672)....

Oliver Cromwell

It is said that some of the top leaders of England were at a party with Oliver Cromwell, trying their best to make friends with him in order to win favors. One man apparently had a habit of talking before thinking and saw a homely young lady enter the party with a man.

“Who is that unsightly creature with Lord Smith?” the man asked Cromwell.

Cromwell winced and said “That sir, is my daughter.”

Trying hastily to overcome his mistake the man said “No, no I mean that shocking monster on the other side of him.”

“That, sir, is my wife.”

I don’t know if that story is true or just a joke, but the following is true and I thought it was very interesting because it is the account of a man who rose from obscurity to a very high position.

Oliver Cromwell (1599 – 1658) was an English military and political leader and later Lord Protector of the Commonwealth of England, Scotland and Ireland. Born into the middle gentry, he was relatively obscure for the first 40 years of his life. After undergoing a religious conversion in the 1630s, Cromwell became an intensely religious man and he fervently believed that God was guiding his victories.

He was elected Member of Parliament and later entered the English Civil War. Nicknamed “Old Ironsides”, he was quickly promoted from leading a single cavalry troop to become one of the principal commanders of the New Model Army. (From Wikipedia)

He later became head of state of England, Scotland and Ireland and changed the course of history. It just goes to show you that your luck can change at any time, and you may be propelled into a wonderful life.

Cromwell was sympathetic to Fox and almost agr...

Cromwell 

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Dog jokes

Brad Stanton —  January 30, 2013 — 4 Comments

A dog with no name

A man was passing through a small town and decided to stop for a soft drink. He parked and got out of his car. In front of the store was a boy, about 8 or 10 years old and a dog. The man was impressed by the dog and asked

“Son, does your dog bite?”

“No, my dog doesn’t bite, mister.” the boy said.

The man reached down to pet the dog and suddenly the dog lunged and bit his hand.

“I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite!” the man cried out.

“That’s not my dog” the boy answered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was summertime and a man walked past several boys with a dog. “What are you boys doing?” he asked.

“We are competing to see who wins this dog as a prize. Whoever tells the biggest lie gets to keep the dog.” One of the boys said.

The man was shocked at the morals of these young boys, competing to see who could tell the biggest lie. He decided he would do his good deed for the day and encourage them to find a more honest way to compete for the dog.

“Boys, it’s not a good idea to tell lies. Why, when I was a boy I became a Christian at an early age and I didn’t tell lies after that. In fact, I was so blessed by the Lord that I became a preacher.” He talked and talked, going on and on about how bad it is to lie and how he didn’t do that kind of thing. Eventually he paused to see if he had any effect on the boys. They were staring at him with strange expressions on their faces.

“OK, give him the dog. None of us can tell that big of a lie!” one of the boys said.

cute dog on table

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Funny baby pics

Brad Stanton —  December 22, 2012 — 16 Comments

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Shepherd humour

Brad Stanton —  December 10, 2012 — 13 Comments

English: Shepherd dog, sheep, Dolenja vas near...

A shepherd was bringing his large flock of sheep down a dusty road when a man in a Ferrari drove up and stopped. He got out of his car wearing an expensive Armani suit and had a laptop computer in his hand.

He said, “What a wonderful flock of sheep you have here, I’ll make a deal with you. If I can tell you how many sheep you have in your flock in less than a minute, you give me one sheep. How about it?”

The shepherd agreed.

The man scanned the flock with his computer cam and began typing on the laptop. In less than 45 seconds he shouted “You have 1253 sheep!”

“Yes, exactly!” said the shepherd. “You can have a sheep.”

The shepherd watched the rich man carry an animal to his car.

“Wait a minute” said the shepherd, “I’ll make a deal with you. If I can tell you what kind of work you do for a living, you give me back my animal, OK?”

“It’s a deal” said the rich man.

“You are an IT consultant” said the shepherd.

“Wow, that’s right, how did you know?” asked the IT man.

“Three reasons” said the shepherd. “One, you came and asked for work without me calling you. Two, I had to pay you to tell me something I already knew, and three you don’t understand my business at all. I don’t think you know the first thing about shepherding. Now give me back my dog!”

 

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